Perfection Reflections

Last night, I was reading an article in an old magazine. It was about a mother's relationship with her daughter. It reads:

"If you truly want to connect with someone or you just want to keep a relationship fresh and vibrant, it takes more than nodding, agreeing, or even promising a puppy. It takes finding out who the person really is, what he or she really cares about, what he or she

really wants. And that involves listening. The kind of listening that has no agenda, isn't driven by ego, doesn't have to have all the answers, and doesn't have to fix everything. That kind of listening comes from wanting to discover, not needing to show what we already know. Because no matter how hard we try or how committed we are, relationships get tired and people float apart--unless we listen up."

Reading this happened to coincide with a good friend's post about imperfect friendships. After reading these passages, I spent hours reflecting upon my relationships, past and present. What I've come to realize is that my most cherished relationships are also the most imperfect relationships in my life. They are also my longest relationships, like my marriage or the friendship I share with my best friend. They are fraught with flaws. They are those relationships that I've cried into, yelled into, and spent hours and hours laughing into. Those that I've poured my heart into. I'm so thankful for those relationships because I've learned to practice forgiveness, I've had to compromise, I've had to put myself and my needs last, and it wasn't about my ego. It isn't just about how that person makes ME feel, it's about how I make THEM feel. It's about wanting to find out everything about that person, and accepting them-flaws and all. It's about listening when they are having a rough day and reading between the lines. It's about their wants and needs, not just my own. It's about seeing someone at their best and worst and loving them just the same. It's about allowing them to be who they are and accepting them unconditionally, with no judgement. It's NOT about having or being a sounding board. It's NOT about how someone looks next to you.

Too many people give up on relationships because they are imperfect and never get to that sweet spot where you look back and see how far you've come together and commit to forge on no matter what. There truly is a rainbow on the other side of that storm.

I have spent way too many hours striving for PERFECTION in all areas of my life, not just relationships. I even have an ancient myspace blog post about how my life was "Absolute Perfection" at the time. In fact, perfection itself has caused much of the turmoil and keeps me from doing the things I really want to do. For years, I didn't invite people to my house because it was small and imperfect, and I was ashamed. My quest for the perfect marriage kept me from seeing things I needed to see and saying things I needed to say. My need to "appear" perfect to others and to myself keeps me constantly unsatisfied with who I am and afraid to be myself around others. I get discouraged that I don't know how to make this blog beautiful, so I don't blog even though I really want to.

It isn't just me, either. Society as a whole is fascinated by perfection--the perfect body, the perfect marriage, perfect sex, perfect children, the perfect house, and the perfect life. Those things don't really exist. Therefore, my New Year's Resolution is to stop striving for perfection, accept that we are all imperfect (myself included), and allow life to unfold the way it is supposed to...with flaws and imperfections.